ghostsfacer:

ghostsfacer:

just got back from the vet. you guys know what my dumb dog did?

he sprained his tail. from wagging it too hard. this is the stupidest thing.

image

(via legit-humour)

(via legit-humour)

#me  
  April 16, 2014 at 12:38pm

tattru:

Mom: DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM 2 HOURS AGO ???

Me:

image

(via sindielissexy)

ripelypine:

my favourite part of shakespeare plays is the person at the end that is like “see how these people fucked everything up. don’t do this. look at this fuckery. look at it. fuck this. fuck everything.”

(via imaginedragoffs)

chanandlerb0ng:

“hey sorry i was busy” kidding i was watching my fave tv show and u interrupted rude

(via lokis-deducting-angel)

andrewfutral:

Today is going really great

andrewfutral:

Today is going really great

(via peoplemagazine)

officialannakendrick:

when you feel the first cramp

image

(via hotboyproblems)

pemsylvania:

im in tears what the hell

pemsylvania:

im in tears what the hell

(via extrabigrnac)

(via consistentcrying)

sonicmetennant:

(via ambifer)

anti-naked:

A girl was excited for her sweet 16, and she asked her boyfriend to buy her a car. He said yes. The night of the party, he didn’t come. She was very sad. Then she found out he’d died trying to drive two cars at once to her party. Like this if you love your boyfriend.

(via illegal-mexicans)

officialunitedstates:


Many of us know Olive Garden’s slogan When You’re Here, You’re Family.  Well, I recently put that to the test.
The tables were wooden and nice to sit at.  The chairs were also comfortable.  The view wasn’t anything special, but there was a pretty cool looking van in the Walmart parking lot that had flames on its sides. 
I was immediately offered wine, and after admitting I was underage, refused wine.  If you’re going to offer me wine, please don’t rescind your offer.  It’s common courtesy.
The napkins were probably the highlight.  They were cloth and worked really well at cleaning the windows.  One waiter told me I didn’t have to do that, but I insisted.  After all, I like a good, clear view of parking lots.  Who doesn’t.
Finally, it was time to order.  I went with the pizza.  The menu said I could pick four toppings, so I chose half portions of eight toppings.  There were only seven to choose from, though, so I made one up.  “…and blorgaspork.”
"Sorry?  What is blorgaspork?"
"That’s your job to know, now isn’t it."
After a reasonable wait, my food arrived.  It was a really good meal, not exactly overpriced, but not exactly underpriced either.  It was just priced.
My waiter soon arrived and asked me if I wanted dessert. 
"Steve," I said, "Have a seat."
He did.
"I have this business idea.  And while I’m here, and we’re family, I was hoping you could give me a loan."
Steve tried to laugh it off.  Like it was some kind of joke.  I was offended and he could tell.  “Steve, this isn’t a joke.”
Steve looked a bit nervous.  I grabbed his hands and pinned them to the table.  “Are we family or not, Steve.”
"Not in the literal sense…" said Steve.  I wasn’t going to let him reason his way out of this one. 
"Look, Steve.  I cleaned your windows.  Family does that for each other.  They clean each others’ windows.  Now, don’t you think I deserve that loan?  We’re family, Steve, we’re family."
Steve handed me 13 bucks.  “Thanks, Steve.”
★★★☆☆

officialunitedstates:

Many of us know Olive Garden’s slogan When You’re Here, You’re Family.  Well, I recently put that to the test.

The tables were wooden and nice to sit at.  The chairs were also comfortable.  The view wasn’t anything special, but there was a pretty cool looking van in the Walmart parking lot that had flames on its sides. 

I was immediately offered wine, and after admitting I was underage, refused wine.  If you’re going to offer me wine, please don’t rescind your offer.  It’s common courtesy.

The napkins were probably the highlight.  They were cloth and worked really well at cleaning the windows.  One waiter told me I didn’t have to do that, but I insisted.  After all, I like a good, clear view of parking lots.  Who doesn’t.

Finally, it was time to order.  I went with the pizza.  The menu said I could pick four toppings, so I chose half portions of eight toppings.  There were only seven to choose from, though, so I made one up.  “…and blorgaspork.”

"Sorry?  What is blorgaspork?"

"That’s your job to know, now isn’t it."

After a reasonable wait, my food arrived.  It was a really good meal, not exactly overpriced, but not exactly underpriced either.  It was just priced.

My waiter soon arrived and asked me if I wanted dessert. 

"Steve," I said, "Have a seat."

He did.

"I have this business idea.  And while I’m here, and we’re family, I was hoping you could give me a loan."

Steve tried to laugh it off.  Like it was some kind of joke.  I was offended and he could tell.  “Steve, this isn’t a joke.”

Steve looked a bit nervous.  I grabbed his hands and pinned them to the table.  “Are we family or not, Steve.”

"Not in the literal sense…" said Steve.  I wasn’t going to let him reason his way out of this one. 

"Look, Steve.  I cleaned your windows.  Family does that for each other.  They clean each others’ windows.  Now, don’t you think I deserve that loan?  We’re family, Steve, we’re family."

Steve handed me 13 bucks.  “Thanks, Steve.”

★★★

(via unclefather)

(via troybakerrr)

kimpossibooty:

Someone call the press because I’m about to make history.

kimpossibooty:

Someone call the press because I’m about to make history.

(via tumboner)